$1 EMFCash for each Joke/ Funny Phrase .

[Raising]

A guy named Benny is sitting in a bar mouthing off that he knows everybody. So his buddy bets $10 the next person to walk in the bar didn't know him. Somebody walks in the bar and says "Hey Benny what's up?" so the guy then bets him $100 he doesn't know the first person they see outside walking down the street. So they go outside and see some coming up to the bar and says "Hey Benny how are things going?". Flustered the guy bets him $500 he doesn't know the President. So they drive up to the white house and the security guard says "Benny you know you can't just show up here like this." Then a limo pulls up with the president in it and he rolls down the window and says "Hey Benny how have you been?" So then he bets him $1000 he doesn't know the Pope. So they take a plane down to Rome and he says" Ok now watch up there on that balcony I'm gonna come out there with the Pope." So he goes up there and looks down to see his friend pass out. He goes down there and says "Are you that surprised that I know the Pope?" he goes "No somebody walked behind me and said who's that guy up there with Benny!"

[Raising]

A girl went to a hair dresser's one day, listening to a walkman. The hair dresser asked her what she wanted, and the blonde replied, "I need to get my hair trimmed, just make sure that you do not take these headphones off." The woman looked at the girl, surprised, but did as she was told. While she was brushing the blonde's hair, she accidentally bumped the headphones, knocking them to the ground. As she bent down to pick them up, the girl fell over, onto the floor. The hair dresser was very confused. She picked up the head phones and listened. This is what she heard..."breath in...breath out...breath in...breath out..."!

[Raising]

A police officer stops a girl for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."

[Raising]

A young girl was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the girl shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the girl turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the girl flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

[saplay]

One day Claude came home from work to find his wife painting one side
of the car blue. She’d divided the car neatly in half and had already painted
the other side bright yellow.
‘What on earth are you doing?’ asked Claude.
‘Simple!’ she replied. ‘You know I’ve had so many accidents and I always get
caught due to the statements of the witnesses in court. Now, if I have an
accident, you watch them fight it out trying to decide what colour car caused
the accident!’

[Raising]

Two girls walking down the street. One reaches into her pocketbook for a make up compact and looks into the mirror. "This picture looks like someone I know" she says. The other one has a look and says, "Of course dummy, it's ME...."

[saplay]

That’s a nice suit you’re wearing — who went for the fitting?’

[Raising]

There were two girls going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer. A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though. One of the girls says "If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day"

[saplay]

J udge: ‘How do you plead? Guilty or not guilty?’
Prisoner: ‘How do I know, your honour? I haven’t heard the evidence yet.’

[Raising]

A girl says to her friend "Look! A dead bird!" and her friend looks up and says "Where?"

[saplay]

Bacteria: the back entrance to a cafeteria.

[saplay]

Mother: ‘Why are you crying?’
Sally: ‘Because I fell and hurt myself.’
Mother: ‘When did that happen?’
Sally: ‘About twenty minutes ago.’
Mother: ‘But you’ve only just started crying.’
Sally: ‘I know. Earlier, I thought you’d gone out.’

[Raising]

There was a mother who was taking her kids to Disney Land. When they were about half way there, the mother see a sign that said "Disney Land Left," so the mother turned back around and went home.

[Raising]

A blonde executive was driving by a field one day when she saw a blonde rowing a boat in the middle of a dirt field. She drove over to her and said, "It's idiots like you that give blondes a bad name, and if I could swim I would come over there and kick you’re a*s!"

[saplay]

Buoyant: male equivalent of gallant.